I feel like such a pathetic friend dude. I really want to help my friend but my retarded autists self can't think of shit. I can sit there doing nothing but thinking about what I can do but my head comes up empty.

I feel really guilty, way too guilty. I can't come up with something that isn't surface level or tone deaf. "You should live queen XOXO" yeah right. I'm such a hypocrite, I'm barley holding onto life who am I to say another person could live.

I don't understand how to talk to other people so I don't say anything at all. I wish I wasn't born retarded. Everything is always fucked up by it. I have to be some kind of guinea pig for whatever higher power to do increasingly fucked of shit to.

I'm a slow chud with no social skills, no job, no friends, no skills outside of strength and electronics, no irls, barley any onlines, no future giga virgin that's a tranny. All because of my clinical retardation. She deserves a better friend than me.

If you're reading this, I'm sorry I'm a shitty friend.

Capt. Duke,
Signing Off.